I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
