I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
