he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
