ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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