remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
