I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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