smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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