dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
