I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
