I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
