She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize