apparently the secret to your success is patron
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
