fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
