i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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