Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
