No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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