The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
