shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
