I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
