ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize