R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
