My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
