piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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