I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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