So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
