i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
