They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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