The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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