i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
