So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
