What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
