i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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