I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
