I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
