Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
