I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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