I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
