Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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