last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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