Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i was born a porn star she said
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
