She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
if only i could text you this smell
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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