If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
