I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
