Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
