Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
