she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
