Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
