We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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