I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My underwear smells like fireworks.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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