why didn't you poke me back
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
