I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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