Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
