I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
