So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize