At least make sure they are 18
Why
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
