And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
