I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize