How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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