So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
