That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
