My room smells like vodka and shame
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
