did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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