I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
