upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
