Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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