I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
