You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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