Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
