if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
