I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize